...

duniya ki iss bheed main
kyon chillati hai ye khamoshiyan
har us agle mod pe
kyon dhagti hai ye nadanian.

rota hoon main sissak sissak ke
jo dekhu us haste chehre ko.
jo haste to hai par hoti hai usme pareshaanian.

likhta hoon main apni kismet.,
naa jaanu main un lakeeron ko,
jinpe chalte hain log
pakde apni zanzeeron ko.

zakhmo ko kureda maine
apne dard ko mitane ke liye.
apno ko hi choda maine,
apne banane ke liye.
ab chalta hoon in rahon main
tanha ekdum.
sunta hua un khamoshiyon ko
jo karrahati hai
duniya ki iss bheed main.

serenity painted death

another quiet evening has begun n he sat there counting each tick that came from a rusty old clock that hung in d corner of his room. the clock wasnt the only rusty old thing, there was a closet which he seldom opened n there was a squeaky chair kept alongside a cheap study table which had a opening drawer which never worked wen needed. his room was quiet lively, he thought, painted with yellow, which looked pale due to its longevity and dimly lit bulb which was the only bearer of the light force in his room which otherwise had acquired a ghastly appearance. serene and quiet, but more in as unnatural way which gave out an errie silence almost deafning him at times.
that was not only the case with his room, the house itself was very quiet and seemed at peace. a peacefullness that was so aggresive that he thought of fleeing at times. but he didnt, knowing that only he could do something about it. he had to believe, in himself, and not jst try but he had to. there was no scope for trials, either it was done or not done.

it was a quiet winter evening when everything was normal in such an aberrant way that it disturbed him. "why was it so?" he thought to himself. "why is this normal?" he questioned, directed to nobody. as the evening sun shone red, he rose above the normal being and eyed for a better place, a place which was quite still not deafning. the sun gave out its light to him, he could feel the warmth n still caress the cool breeze. there he was where he wanted to be. the horizon was still too far and the birds flocked yet astray. the clouds were like a whirpool of colors having a tinge of orange n peach. the whirlpools of colors kept movin in his direction n he felt as if he could fly jst by spreadin his arms. the horizon figthin to tame the sun but he kept evadin it, the sign of the mortal beings still showed at the end. sanity they called it, from there he could see the 'frayed ends of sanity'. careless strokes of silver brushes in the sky made him feel he was part of it. we all are. the golden streaks turning into firey dragons caught his eye. as he drifted in this new world he wished it could b for d whole world. he couldnt hear the sounds below or the
mourning, complainin, chaterring, shouting, whispering, whining nor the sound of that deafning quiteness he was used to. it was all so beautiful n amazing. until the sun started givin up d fight n d golden streaks slowly turned to soft violet , n clouds looked more like fluffy toys from d the stores he used to peek into. and then there was darkness and still he was amazed at the beauty that it was all worth it. and "serenity painted death" once again.

eyes II

face lit with a gracious smile.

and eyes telling a truthful lie..

here she comes sparkling from a mile..

from a mile, she lives n comes alive.

from the fathom..

shes dead n struggles to fight.

with the pain in eyes,

thats so easy and so difficullt to hide.

oh god, i could see the ocean..

as the waves they appear from behind..

as she passes me by..

DEATH oh i saw death once,

in those eyes..

now its d sparkle of a thousand stars minus the sky.

but void still looms n i could see it right.

that d hope is still fightin

fightin that disguise.

d world would pray n pray would she.

for the life she had, and life to be.

the eyes would then jst shine so bright

like a million stars minus the sky...

Casualty Words...

this work is inspired by a work of art.. a beautiful painting depicting a moment in a person's life when he is bout to fall into the miseries of the world n the darkness awaits him.. its showes that very moment when he fears fallin into this darkness but he holds on to his string of hope n is glad to ve this life...


Blind faces in the sea
await me as i try to break free...
tear drops sweat me
but the sun is what i dont see.
falling with broken wings
m falling away from me.
weathered and swayed
the faces they call upon me.

cos hope is what i have
and faith is what i need.
as this life is still.
and it'll always be with me.

black and swollen
they stretch their hands for me.
and i keep falling,
falling away from me.
winds dont want me
but sky is what i'll keep.
gravity takes charge
but its earth what i'll flee.

cos hope is what i've.
and faith is what i'll keep.
as this life is still.
and it'll always be with me...


C NBC...

hmmmm...

why is it that i m writin again.
i hope it is not cos of this pain.
why is it that my pen needs to bleed.
i hope its not cos of the hate that i breed.
why is it that i always have this smile.
i hope its not cos of the pain gushing inside.
why is it that it hurts so much when it rains.
i hope its not cos of the broken glass flowin in my veins.

why, why is it that my heart still weeps.
when i have this smile n the light still sweeps.
why is it so that m all alone.
i hope its not cos this crowd in which i've been thrown.
why is it so that m still writin this verse.
i hope its not cos of the ocean that swirls.

i dont kno why i still bear this smile.
when i feel like killin the person inside.
now i kno why m writin again.
n its not cos this swarmin pain.
now i kno why my pen wants to bleed.
n its cos of the hate that u breed.
n now i can see the glass flowin in my veins.
cos it gets out wen it begins to rain.

now i kno why my heart still weeps.
cos its to happy to see that u can still sleep.
n now i kno why m so alone.
its cos i love n love to be the same.
i hope m still the same.
or is it that i've taken a trip n goin down d drain...

sleep

i woke up to ur sound again...
not from d fathoms of ur soul..
but the noise of crushin leaves...
crumbling under ur departing feet.....
still my obscured vision...
sees a figure, paling away in black.
n still my mind...
opaque with that image...
gives me peace n some relief...


woke, i woke up again...
to my freezing breath...
dreamt of ur caress in d corners of my mind..
but i woke up to such a cold gushin out inside...
but slept i slept cos i dreamt of u...
still shiverin of d frigidity u had in u...
still oblivious of the fact...
that it was not a dream though...

i woke up to this bitter taste this time...
it was a dream in which i had cried...
bleached but i could taste d sour...
had this ocean surging...
but not a drop of tear...
mind still opaque to ur soul...
n the soul is screamin that its lone...
i woke to this dream again,
had a drape n i was runnin low.
with d hearse going..
by i saw this corpse lyin...
it was so much i had had in my mind...
but then suddenly i saw u...
n then i knew y u were cryin...........

when you were mine...

there was this time...
when you were mine...
i had you...
and the world was mine...
loved u a lot...
had no doubt in my mind...
that was the time when you were mine...


there was this time...
when you were mine...
when the flowers bloomed...
and the sun used to shine...
but the love you gave...
was it ever mine???


there was no time...
when you were mine...f
ell, you fell like d leaves from me...
died i died slowly as d autumn tree...
as if the sun which shone...
was never there for me...
pain i got was from you...
peace i made was for you...
guess i've left you somewhere behind...
cos there was this time...
when you were mine...

who you are????

when you open your eyes,
you are what you like.
you come into this world,
n everything seems alright.
the first step takes you there,
n you guess dats all your might.

live you live lookin for a cause,
but all you do is jst follow a clause.
u open ur eyes again, & think..
r u who u want??
r u who u like?
think again.
is this all ur might???

you live in misery n pain.
n all you think bout is," wish u could complain".
you learn to live with it n dont restrain.

ask ur self again..
are you who you wanna be???
or is it jst dar you follow up
n waitin to flee..
all ur life u hue n cry ,
n forget in this run for what u desire.

ask ur self again,,
wen u open ur eyes,
are u who u wanna be??
is this d life u wanna live???
is this whou wanna be??

kalam

aaj phir kuch kalam ne kehna chaha.
jo tha zahan main use kuredna chaha.

bahut roka maine par vo chal hi pada.
maine jo haath thamna chaha.

yun hi baitha main dewar ko dekhun.
phir main uske as par ko dekhun.

pas mere sab kuch, par jane kyon main cheekhoon
main bhi insaan hun hoon to phir kaise seekhoon.

rota chilata main khamosh raha.
jane kab tak is sailab ko seechoon.

sahta raha jane kyon main khamoshi se.
aakhir kab tak main usko bahne se rokun.

nikal pada vo ik din, jane anjaane main.
par jane na diya maine bhi yun hi mehkhane main.

aab sonchu kyon ye kalam rukti nahi.
ise pata nahi ki ye rag ab dhukhti nahi.

tabhi is kalam ne aaj kuch kehna chaha.
jo zahan main tha use kuredna chaha.

shayad

Shayad vo ek mausam hit tha.
ik pal sard aur dooje main barsa hi tha.

jane to us sard hawa main kitna moti dhoonde.
is khauf main tha man ki phir sab kuch bahe jayega.

ik pal main bheega dooje jala,
phir bhi jane kyon vo mujhpe yun hi chala.

jane kyon phir bhi lagta hai ki vo ik mausam hi tha.

jane suraj mujhpe itna raushan kyon tha,
shayad vo bhi us mausam ka ek gune tha.

kaash ke jhonka hawa ka main bhi hota,
to saath uske naam mera bhi hota
main bhi phir shayad uska ik chehra hota .

shayad phir vo samajhta meri khamoshi
aur mujhse bhi kuch kehta hota.

shayad main hi kuch khudgarj tha.
manga jo maine vo uska dard tha.

pyaar diya usne par shayad vo ek karz tha
diya to maine bhi jaise vo mera farz tha.

par shayad vo ek mausam hi tha.
ik pal barsa aur dooje main sard hi tha...

eyes...

eyes, oh those eyes

those abysmal eyes.

oh dear lord ,

they took me by surprise

but when i took the plunge.

i saw the hide....

went straight through me

like a thought

left me wonderin

if they were real or not

oh i still went on

thought i would find no end

and deep they were, just pretend

oh those eyes

those abysmal eyes.

crahesd in them

scratched and bruised.

withered i was in those boggy eyes

still they went, straight through me

eyes , oh those abysmal eyes

still i wish for those wishful eyes

and still i wish to drown and die.

even though i kno how she went through me

i looked at her and she looked at me.

and there i was with my feeble knees.

couldnt stand but didnt fall,

cos they were not profound after all..........

cant think of any title

she sees the world from a different eye
wonders if its true or jst a big lie.
waits, she waits for darkness to fall,
cos tired she is, for the take is too small.
she cant even walk now, cos its gettin easier to crawl
she gave it all away and we go astray
we kill her over and over
all we have is betrayal.

she weeps silently not alone yet in isolation
she has wounds and she screams in desolation
screams, she shivers from her own demise
cos she knows we ll be doomed at her price
rusted and weathered she hangs on
still wonderin if she will carry on
for the worlds too dumb to care for her
but m still wonderin if could find the prefect metaphor!!!!

for a while...

wish it would all slow down for a while.
so i could jst lay down for a while,
been dyin for so long,
wish i could jst live for a while .

had been blinded by the lights,
wish i could see for a while.
they say m perfect,
wish i could 'be' for a little while.

livin this life i taught a lot,
wish i could learn for a while.
was surrounded by death,
now its life for a little while.

ve taken a lot,
its time to give for a little while.
life was flashing by,
now i'll have this moment for a little while.

lifes all been black,
i'll paint yellow for a little while.
wish if could stop wishin for a while,
so i jst might walk another mile.

and it was almost over...

it was 9 in the morning, n she was shook by the reminder she had set for her scheduled meeting at 9.30.
she took off the hand from over her of the man that lay beside her, and she slipped out of the bed to get ready.
she had a gala time last night, like she used to have almost every night, party, booze, hanging out with numerous preety preety boyfriends, and he was one of them. she got ready in a flash and there she was dashing like a wild stallion, ready to burn down everyone who set eyes on her. she had everything a girl would ask for looks, brains and money. She was AKANKSHA.
she left the house in a hurry for the meeting and made it on time, every one seemed to be awed by her presence. All the females looked upto and down upon Akanksha, as she had everything that they wished for and wanted to be as happy as she was, she was their "Akanksha".
and then it was dark and she came back to her house which was now empty. i wished she had a home. she took out some food from the refrigerater and sat in front of the TV checking her voice mail, and she had two messages from her mom. she always got the msgs, but never cared to reply back. thats the way she was.
she didnt felt like eatin that night, so she lit up a ciggarate and sat in the balcony of her 9th floor apartment. she has been tryin desperately to go off to sleep for few years now, but now she had an aid, so she popped two sleeping pills and went to sleep.
she was beautiful from outside and hollow from inside, too depressed, lonely and scared from something(what even she didnt knew that). she used to sit in her room and stare at the ceiling as if someone was calling to her some mystic devilish power wanting her to cling to the miseries of her perfect life. she was so trodden that it happened one day, Akanksha, decided to die. That night she took an overdose of her sleeping pills...
and there she was in wonderland, she could see the white light coming from the end of the long dark tunnel, and she could saw white clad figure approaching her, and a voice from some distance enquired,"How are you feeling dear?" She murmered," i ve a terrible headache." And when she thought it was all over and opened up her eyes, she found herself lying on bed no. 7, of the local hospital's ward, with no one but the nurse standing by her side. The doctor told her that she has been saved but the pills had had an adverse affect on her body system and that she would not live for more than a week, and she gently smiled...
she had been tryin so hard to live, and now suddenly she was so happy, not because she was bout to die but because she had learned to live after coming back from death. she had never felt so joyful ever before, and she lived her life until her end, and then there was light...

Mumbai se aya mera dost(m ma friend)

hey people.. i jst came back from bombay from a very short trip.
i liked the place and i liked the people as well, but as i said it was a very short trip so i was in a hurry all the time. but i surely wish to go back again there with my friends as i would be awesome. n jst to mention the place is very beautiful by night.

what u have to say?

hey people... enough of all the negativity..
take a good look at the pic, and let me kno wat u can make out of it...

it was much of a howl that i could hear, and he was still howling...
i went through the door and shooed him off, and off he ran, like he had seen the devil in me, how could i let her be disturbed, i cared for her a lot, wish i could tell her that.
i came back into the room where she lay so peacefully, i was awed at the serenity she had on her face, but how long would it last...? my mind was wandering here and there filled with thoughts, still tryin to fight back, still not ready to accept the idea that if you are fighting to live then its better to die, and there i was fighting against time as the clock sped past me at twice the speed, i found myself standing in this dark room right next to her as she had stood by my side for so long, i sat next to her with all the memories swarming in my head, almost gave me a headache to which i was accustomed. then suddenly i said to myself," why is it so cold in here? its august for god's sake." i still had that sinking feeling inside of me cos i failed to tell her how much i cared and how much i loved, but i never really showed that.
was it too late? will she hate me like she did. wished i could change somethings before leaving so that she
could tell everyone how i was, how i lived, and how i died tryin....!
please pray to the great lord for my soul...
RIP

just another night

It was just another night, while i was talking to a friend... She was mad at me and i didnt know why.
Just like all the people who were close to me. Suddenly the lights went off and i didnt even got a chance to say that m sorry and i care.
There was an uneasy stillness in my room, felt like there was an ocean roaring... I could hear it and i could see
it, there was something that filled my room and was overpowering me, i decided to lay down on my bed to relax and i could feel her laying right beside me, she was cold, she was never so cold...
my eyes kept on scavenging in my room filled with something which makes some afraid and others peaceful,
for me it was something different...
then suddenly the barking of the street dog tore into the silence of the place, which shook me up a bit, i turned back to her thinking that it was just another night...
but i was wrong, like always...